the birds and the bees

I was recently faced with the daunting task of talking with my 14yr old nephew about the value of condoms. Uncomfortable? Yes. Unnecessary? Also, yes. He knew where to get them, how to use them and more importantly when to use them, which is every time. Whew for me, that part of the conversation was short! It was also important to me that he understood beyond the mechanics of sex that no matter how much fun he was having, to make sure he was never disrespectful – to either his partner or to himself - treating girls the way he’d want guys to treat his younger sister. (At this he made a face and said “She’s only seven.” Ya ya, you get my point.) He agreed breakups online weren’t cool and that switching girlfriends every 5 minutes wasn’t either. He volunteered that he wasn’t having sex, and I said that I would never judge him if he were but made him promise he’d be smart about his health and his future. Soon after that, a friend told me her 5yr old was asking questions, beyond the garden variety version of where babies come from. Both situations have got me thinking about when my mom had the talk with me, and how times have changed in the thirty years since.

One day, after I had called one of my grade 4 classmates a ‘prick’ at the dinner table that resulted in very shocked looks from both of my parents, my mother came to my room with a book she wanted me to read with her. It was called “Where did I Come From?” and the cover had a cartoon picture of a really cute baby. Being an avid reader and having no clue what was in store for me, I eagerly agreed to join in. We had already had a very basic talk that went a little bit like this:
Me: Mommy, where do babies come from?
Her: Well, a Daddy plants a seed in the Mommy.
For years I had visions of my dad with a gardening trowel digging through dirt in my mother’s navel to plant a seed, water it and watch it grow. It made no sense, but I didn’t have the imagination to conjure up anything even remotely closer to the truth. I also didn’t have the courage to speak up and challenge the explanation. Well, this book cleared some things up but also left me completely deluded about others! I mean, sperms in tuxedos??? My mother concluded the reading with the following:

Her: Now Lori, when a man and woman love one another very much and are married, they show each other how much they love one another by having sex. Nice girls wait until they are married. Do you understand?

Me: Yes, Mommy.

Her: Do you have any questions?

Me: Mommy? How does the sperm know it is time to leave the man’s penis and go to the woman’s egg? Does it come out in his pee?

Her: (squirming) Well, that is a very good question....(she then proceeded to tell me about ejaculation that I heard in a wah wah wah Charlie Brown Grown Up voice because it way over my head and kinda gross too)

Her: And this is something we don’t talk about to anyone. It especially isn’t appropriate to talk about sex with your friends.

Me: Yes, Mommy.

Naturally my friends and I did talk about it. We tore the clothes off our Barbie & Ken dolls and mashed their plastic naked bodies together making kissy-face noises hoping that Barbie would miraculously become pregnant. Sometimes, Barbie cheated on Ken with GI Joe, He-Man or Donny Osmond. Just because we had to behave like nice girls didn’t mean she couldn’t have some good times!

Flash forward to the year 2010; I am shocked at how openly promiscuous kids are today. I attribute my shock to the fact that when I was becoming sexually curious/active, it was during the onset of the AIDS crisis which at the time instilled fear (and ignorance) into the masses. So it makes me happy to report, that kids are very aware of and are practicing, safe sex, even if they are engaging in things like sexting, rainbow parties and sex bracelets. Add to the mix the accessibility of information via the internet, movies, video games and tv shows contributing to their overt sexuality...and it all has me asking, whatever happened to the simple days of ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ in the garden shed?