the lolita factory

Is it just me, or are there some of you out there in bloggerland who also have a strong disdain for Disney and their 'Lolita Factory'? You know that place where young girls are being groomed into prepubescent stardom and taught that traits like sauciness, sassiness and sexiness are appropriate for today’s teen/tween audience? I don’t blame it all on Disney – there are parents out there who allow their kids to be treated like a commodity - Lindsay Lohan and her mother Dina are a perfect example - but an attachment to the Disney brand and the money that follows are what makes it all sooo attractive. And if you’ve seen ‘Bruno’, you’ve seen that some parents will allow their kids to do anything for a chance at Hollywood’s brass ring.

My 6yr old niece’s name is Hannah. Everyone at her school, and even some members of our family, call her Hannah Montana. It makes me cringe! Miley Cyrus is a 16yrs old smoker who started living with her 20-something boyfriend with her parent's consent at the age of 15, and who at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, where the audience is...well...teens...was pole dancing dresed in next to nothing. Meanwhile, girls with a ‘cleaner’ image like Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez are being pushed to the backburner, clearing the way for the red-carpet antics of their sexier counterparts.

Now throw into the mix shows like 'Toddlers & Tiaras'; in our current society tramping up young girls is becoming the norm and good old fashioned values are being thrown by the wayside.

I remember when Jodie Foster and Brooke Shields being accepted into Yale and Princeton respectfully was considered celebrity news; giving girls at the time (like me) something real to aspire to. Now all it takes is a flash of skin without panties and 'hacked' cell phone pics to become CNN headline news.

So I’m fighting back. How? I have started watching Little House on the Prairie with Hannah, so that she can learn it is not cool to sass grown-ups, attitude will not win you friends (courtesy of one Nellie Olsen) and that doing the right thing will always earn you respect (remember when Laura and Bunny won the horse race and she gave the cup back to Mrs. Olsen?). She calls it ‘our show’ and often has to remind me when it is on. In addition to that, a full Miley/Hannah boycott. Not a dime to be wasted on that crap. And I am always on the lookout for more positive role models for young girls – like Demi and Selena – to encourage Hannah to look up to. Any suggestions?

Please feel free to weigh in - I would love to hear your thoughts...whether you agree, disagree or agree to disagree!

Cheers,
Lori

the games we play

We play games. It is instilled in us at a young age to strategize, to expose our opponent’s weaknesses and manipulate their strengths to our advantage as a means to coming out on top. Thinking back to games like musical chairs, duck-duck-goose, hide and seek, it was key to always be one step ahead, while watching your back at the same time.

We apply these strategies at work to outshine our colleagues and land the promotion.

We apply these strategies with our friends and neighbours to keep up with the Jones’.

We apply these strategies with our hearts hoping for happily ever after.

A very good friend of mine is ‘Gigi’ from “He’s Just Not That Into You”. She is attractive, intelligent, funny, independent, kind...but so eager to find Mr Right that she embarrasses herself trying to force relationships with guys who are clearly Mr Wrong. She insists she’s cool being a single chick on the loose, but obsesses over texts, emails and phone messages...overanalysing the finest of details...naively making excuses for the games they play.

Now there was a time when the game came with flattery focused on physical attributes...great body, nice smile, pretty eyes. The compliments now come with words like ‘astute’ and ‘insightful’. Are boys using intellect to raise the bar and set themselves apart from the pack? Or is it that in the year 2009 girls are still playing the dumb-down game because they think that’s what boys are looking for, making smart the ‘exception’?

We were taught that it wasn't about whether you win or lose but how you play the game, and as kids we were okay with that, but as adults, why do we feel the need to always win...and in the end, are we really winning?

I thought games were supposed to be fun...

road trip

Two friends, on a road trip – not trying to escape the law like Thelma & Louise (though one of us did come home with a warrant for her arrest in the state of Pennsylvania), just hoping to escape reality for a couple of weeks. Driving from Ontario to Florida for New Years Eve...no plans, no where to stay, completely by the seats of our pants.

Allow me to backtrack. I am an uptight vacationer. I need a vacation after planning a vacation. Every last detail painstakingly thought out, analysed, researched, short-listed and confirmed. From what day of the week is best to exchange money, what sales taxes are charged in each state, what hotels offer free Wi-fi (because laptops are mandatory on holiday?), weather patterns and of course, where to find the best outlet malls.

None of these, not even the least significant of plans, actually made it to execution. We got in the car and drove. No plans. No where to stay. And guess what?? It didn’t kill me!

*Sidebar: I really did believe I was dying at one point, though it turned out to be nothing more than a nasty throat infection that thanks to the United States Food & Drug Administration was cleared up in a matter of days.

The most important part of this trip, aside from the five pairs of shoes I came home with, is that I learned something about myself. That my life doesn’t have to be scheduled to be enjoyed, that being spontaneous is not a killer, and that facing my fears has been a healthy part of moving forward while overcoming a setback. And that the setback is not much of a setback at all, but an opportunity to enjoy more of the journey.

thank you for being a friend

I learned today of the passing of a girl I’d known from kindergarten. We hadn’t spoken since high-school but had reconnected through the magic of social-networking. She was funny and kind. And I am saddened for the obvious reasons, but also because as we’d fallen out of touch and moved on with life, the rekindling of our friendship never extended beyond our keyboards. You were always a bright light Karen, with your easy laugh and warm smile. I will miss you.

As a result of this sad news, I struck up a conversation with another friend from lower grade school. My very best friend. Peer pressure got the better of our relationship once we started high school but I always remembered how much fun we’d had as kids. Today we acknowledged the loss of our camaraderie and said things that were overdue. She also told me she’d been reading this blog...I had no idea but it brought a tear to my eye. My partner in crime, with whom for years I did almost everything, is supportive of me once again.

Growing apart is one thing, but it is a shame that friendships can end as a result of petty arguments. Certainly some disputes are irreparable, but in the grand scheme of things, they are seldom worth losing a good mate over.

Cherish your friendships, they can be gone in an instant. Cherish those that come back to you after a long absence. Cherish those that develop tomorrow and in the days that follow.

Thank you for being a friend.

happy fathers day

It's fathers day. As an adult, I know that a goofy tie paired with a handcrafted card will not pass muster but what else is there for a guy who has everything? He's spending a weekend at the cottage with kids and grandkids and dogs...precious time wiled away fishing, boating, reading nighttime stories, playing 'Pass the Ace', beers on the dock, swimming dogs, waterski lessons and the demolition of the deck railing. Two full days surrounded by those who've loved and admired him since day one, literally. I hope he likes it.


I love you Daddy, happy Father's Day! xx

my dad in his Super Mario phase

the anti-mom

I haven't wanted to be a mom since high school, but that doesn't take away from the fact that for three years I filled that role to some extent. There are four of them, and they are beautiful. They've lived with me since August 2006 and have changed my life in a profound way; allowing me the privilege to be a part of something I otherwise would have never experienced. I always said that being an Aunt was the best...I got all of the spoiling rights and none of the bullsh*t. What I didn't realize were all of the little things I wouldn't get to be a part of.

Mother's day tea at kindergarten...with tea-biscuits slathered in butter and jam (more butter than jam, and not so tasty - deserve an Oscar for faking their deliciousness). Award ceremonies at school, and the bragging rights that go along with having kids chosen by their teachers for things like honesty, fairness and courage. Handwritten notes welcoming me back from a weekend away. Hugs before bed and after school and sometimes even for no real reason. A hero's welcome upon arriving home from work. Handcrafted Christmas decorations, with more glue than actual paper or glitter. Performing minor surgery and playing tricks to soothe the sting of antiseptic (let me hear you count backwards from 10...louder!). Bearing witness to their reading skills evolving from basic ABC's to chapter books. Having them crawl into bed, looking for refuge after a scary dream, cozying up under the duvet. Watching them overcome the wobbles after asking for their training wheels to be taken off. Dancing the 'parent-kid' dance at a Grade 8 graduation.


These are the moments that I don't take for granted - and while I know that three years are only a snapshot into their little lives, they are three years I won't forget. They are the three years of my own life that I will remember I got to be an Auntie-Mom.

Thank you babies, I love love love you!!
xoxo

sunday gravy

Sunday Gravy for me is the comfort that comes at the end of the weekend, a hearty send-off into five days of an off-kilter work/life balance. My intention is to blog just on Sundays, unless something really spectacular happens mid-week that needs to be shared. Some will be funny, some sad, some sappy, some corny. Hope you are okay with that. So let's get started, with a heartfelt tribute to three of the best gravy makers/comfort givers I know. Heads up, this falls into the sappy/sad category. You may find it a little boring too, but for me it was very cathartic writing. You may even need a tissue.

My beautiful mother Janice. She is funny. She is smart. She wipes the gravy sloppings from the side of the plate before serving and taught me that presentation is 90% of the meal. Sunday dinners when I lived at home were taken in the dinning room with the good crystal and china so she could instill proper table manners in my brother and me. The roasting pan on the element bubbling with warm brown goodness, the box of Bisto on the counter, a bag of flour within arms reach for extra thickening, the constant stirring. She says it took her a long time to become a good cook, but when you cook with love, how could anything turn out badly?

My Nana. She passed away in February. It was heartbreaking. It's still heartbreaking. I'll never taste her turkey gravy or sage stuffing again, but I will always remember her sage advice with a full heart. I can still hear her contagious laugh, the love in her voice when she called me 'Pet' or 'Lor'. She taught me how to dice onions and hard boiled eggs, how to play cribbage, to make sure no one got the bay leaf, how to beat whipping cream into the perfect topping for pumpkin pie. She learned to waterski as a Grandmother, bought her first bicycle after retirement and never did learn to drive, but she was always there to cheer through my failures and eventual success behind the tow rope, bought me my first 'big-girl' bike and encouraged getting my licence. She could clean a fish two ways; quick'n'easy and ready to fry, or slow'n'steady, accompanied by a lesson in fish anatomy. And the pride in her voice when she told people I worked at 'The Bell' always made me feel warm inside. At her memorial my Papa gave me her wedding band - I wear it every day because I can not bear the thought of the metal getting cold. There are 60+ years of commitment in that ring. 60+ years of love. 60+ years of gravy.

And last, but certainly not least, a lady who is Gram to some, Great-Ma to others, but who will always be Gramma to me. She is 93. That's right, 93. Still driving, still active, still a firecracker. My favourite memories come from standing on a chair beside her at the kitchen counter, slowly adding the carefully measured ingredients of any given confection into her stainless steel KitchenAid mixer. Together we churned out copious amounts of cookies, dessert squares, cheesy snacks. She let me drink tea as we sampled those tasty treats, and she always bundled some for me to take home. She introduced me to 4 o'clock cocktails (at an appropriate age!) and sometimes still gives me the cherry from her Whiskey Sour. She gave me quarters to put in my little purse so that when the collection plate came around at church, I always had something to contribute. Recently, she moved into a full-service care facility with a small kitchenette. Our days of baking together are behind us but her recipes are not. I'll stand my niece on a chair beside me at the kitchen counter to add those same ingredients, and let her drink tea as we sample those same tasty treats.

Thank you ladies, for instilling in me your strength of character, a sense of humour, a touch of humility, infinite wisdom, but mostly for the unconditional love I know could always be counted on.
I love you xoxo