the new freshman fifteen

Well readers, I have a confession to make. I fell off the wagon…the weight watcher’s wagon that is. I signed up in January for their awesome and amazing point-plus-jennifer-hudson-program, after my last post (yes, it’s been 6 months since I last blogged, what of it? I’ve been too busy starving myself to write) and right off the bat, I was losing weight like gangbusters! Ok, more like a snail’s pace – but it was motivating to see results both on the scale and with how my clothes were fitting, not to mention how much energy I had and how great I was sleeping!

At about four months in, the unspeakable happened. I peaked at 15 pounds lost. Even though people at work had nick-named me “Shrinking Lori” and my mother commented on how great I was looking (well, you know how mothers are…she said “you’ve lost a lot of your belly fat” or something equally backhanded), I still felt like a failure because the weight had STOPPED coming off. I was eating properly, tracking each grain of rice and drinking a camel’s worth of water each day…exercising even…and the needle just sat there…at a lousy 152lbs.

“F*ck you, one-fifty-two!!” I would say to the scale, but it didn’t hear me…or maybe it just didn’t care.

This is the reason I haven’t been blogging, and the reason I stopped sharing my success on Facebook and Twitter.

I was ashamed and embarrassed. It’s weight loss for crying out loud, how could I fail at losing weight?!?

And then, something worse happened. I threw in the towel. I allowed all the bad habits to come creeping back in. Ice Cream for dinner. Cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Regular vs. lite beer. Dear readers, I hate to say it – I caved. Like a house of cards gently tapped by a charm bracelet (yes, it’s a Brady Bunch reference), my awesome and amazing weight loss plan came tumbling down. And what happened next, you may consider a bright side, but not me. None of the weight came back. That’s right, eating what I wanted when I wanted and still stuck at that one hundred and fifty two f*cking pounds!!

Not only am I not successful, but I am a FAILURE at FAILURE!!!

Fortunately last week, thanks to the wonk weather and poor air circulation at work, I got sick. Really sick. Three prescription sick and with that, came zero appetite. This, my friends, is what finally toppled my freshman fifteen and put me back on track.

I am re-motivated and back to tracking and starving. Bikini season is half over, and I didn’t reach the goal I’d set for myself in time for summer, but my 40th birthday is still 3+ months away and I will not let myself see another setback such as this. This I promise, to myself.